THE MULTIPLE EFFECTS OF CRITICISM

The Multiple Effects of Criticism

Does this look familiar? How do we get confused and frustrated? How does criticism affect our ability to produce results? What actually occurs?
There is a question of our point of view that pops up when we are distracted by critical thoughts, usually coming from others, parents, teachers, “friends”, and foes alike, especially when we adopt the practice and become critical of ourselves. It throws us into doubts of our abilities, our choices, the decisions we make, and how we respond to problems, adversity, difficulties, and challenges. Primarily, it reduces our SELF ESTEEM.     It could be assumed that our agreement with critical thoughts make such uncertainty a reality. So, how can we disagree? Especially when we create the criticism ourselves? Take, for example, you’re on a date with a friend, who can’t help telling you that what you’re doing is wrong, lame, ineffective, stupid, crude, and generally wrong. And, because it’s your friend, you accept the judgment and go into agreement with his or her viewpoint, because you don’t want to create a scene or an argument over it, because it’s not that important. Or is it? Well, we have to be socially acceptable, or the word will get out that we are losers and negative and no fun to be around. So, we take it away with us, and like a virus, our minds are affected, and our productivity is reduced. We mull over the critical thoughts and get down on ourselves as an inevitable conclusion surfaces: “I’m not very smart, or popular, and how can I live knowing other people know that about me?     Criticism is prevalent in our world, in school our teachers tell us what to do and not do, they chide us for our mistakes, our foibles, our idiosyncrasies and screw ups! We should know better to recognize critical thoughts for what they are… other peoples’ problems! And if we “catch what they throw at us” we take on the illness as well. Why should we “catch” them? Because if we can recognize critical thoughts, we are ahead of the game, we are not affected adversely, and can maintain our own knowledge, security and sanity in spite of wild attacks. Consider yourself as a steel plated battleship and the critical thoughts are pebbles which naturally bounce off us unharmed, and we survive, we stay afloat despite the assaults.    Okay. Now that we assume that viewpoint, we have to rise above the unknowing, unwittingly attempts to put us down, because our friends usually don’t mean to hurt us, or minimize our ability to handle life’s many challenges. No. Albert Einstein believed: “In the Middle of Difficulty Lies Opportunity.” Often, we experience traumatic events, which throw us into despair at the time as we are hit unaware and are surprised by the incident. And how long does that take to get over it? It depends upon our constitutions, our stamina, and our ability to recover and find joy in life. And what happens? We find ourselves sharing it with a friend or family member, finding irony (the opposite of a literal meaning, marked by such a deliberate contrast between the actual incident’s meaning and another intended consequence which we can see as humorous! In that understanding is it not possible to realize the critical thought as it is uttered, and responds immediately with a humorous response?    One very effective response is a sincere, honest “thank you!” When it is genuinely offered, the offender who shared the criticism has an opportunity to acknowledge the act as somewhat foolish or uncharitable. It can be socially approved method to deal with the situation. Why? Because you see what’s actually transpiring, and can, without criticism, but with unconditional love for the person, respond positively with the intention that you like or even love them and understand that we all have moments that move from positive to negative, like the terminals on a battery, with no malice intended.     Now, that is a tall order, isn’t it? But, consider the consequences. You come home from a hard day at school, or work, and your spouse has had a more difficult day, and is upset and angry, even frustrated and lashes out at you. You have two choices: mirror the hostility, or show how much you love him or her. It takes a lot of confidence to do that, and a great deal of unconditional love. You have to evaluate the importance of each moment in your life, as your tendency to yield to emotional trauma can multiply so many times that you drive that friend or lover away from you, which both of you must justify as “s/he doesn’t really love me.”   Why would people succumb to such temptation? “I think, therefore I am!” Surely, criticism is not powerful to give, and is easy to adopt, and is a “hidden standard” (which is not welcome in any relationship we desire to create) yet we take it on,
without an understanding of the consequences that evolve.    This ability, to instantly evaluate your reaction to critical thoughts to provide a warm, genuine response often of a humorous, joyful manner takes years of constant awareness and sincere, unconditional love for mankind. It is far from easy to say, but exceedingly difficult to achieve, much like a wide receiver’s opportunities to field a long pass which produces a touchdown and victory. The joy is not just in winning, but playing the best we can each and every time.